An elderly Nigerian couple sitting alone at home, surrounded by photographs of their children abroad
As thousands of Nigerians continue to migrate abroad in search of better opportunities, the conversation around the Japa Syndrome has largely focused on economic gains, foreign degrees, and remittances. Far less attention is paid to the emotional cost borne by parents left behind.
For Mrs. Abigail Ojonu, a widowed mother of two, the departure of her children to the United Kingdom and Germany marked the beginning of a quiet grief she describes as “mourning the living.”
“They said it was the best decision, and maybe it was,” she recalls. “But no one told me that watching them leave would feel like this.”
Standing at the departure gate of the Murtala Muhammed International Airport, Mrs. Ojonu said she smiled and waved, encouraging her children to pursue dignity and opportunity abroad.
What followed, she noted, was an unexpected silence, empty chairs at the dinner table, birthdays marked by video calls, and affection reduced to phone screens.
Japa Beyond Statistics
In public discourse, the Japa Syndrome is often measured in numbers: visa approvals, international employment, and billions of naira in return.
At home, the true effect of Japa is felt in empty spaces, quiet dinners, and parenting stretched across continents.
“Our children chase the dream,” Mrs. Ojonu said, “and we are left holding memories.”
For most parents, pride and pain coexist. Social praise for raising “successful children abroad” often masks private struggles with loneliness, anxiety, and declining health.
Aging in Absence
Some parents say they have not seen their children in six, eight, or even ten years. In many cases, grandchildren are born and raised abroad, growing up without ever experiencing the physical presence of their Nigerian grandparents.
Experts note that prolonged separation can deepen emotional isolation among ageing parents, particularly those without strong community or family support systems.
“We are aging in absence,” Mrs. Ojonu said. “Parenting from a distance, surviving on voice notes and brief calls.”
The Emotional Cost No One Budgets For
While policymakers debate the economic consequences of brain drain, families say the emotional cost of travelling abroad remains largely ignored.
Although financial benefit provide relief, meanwhile parents argue that money cannot replace companionship, caregiving, or emotional support.
“Money can ease bills, but it cannot replace care,” she said. “It won’t accompany me to the clinic or sit by my side when I’m unwell.”
She stressed that migration should not be framed solely as an individual success story but as a shared sacrifice that affects entire families.
A Letter Never Sent
Asked what message she would send to her children, Mrs. Ojonu paused before responding.
“I am proud of you,” she said. “You are doing what I never could. But don’t forget me in your becoming. Come home when you can, not just for weddings or funerals. Come home so I can look into your eyes, not through a screen.”
Toward Compassion and Connection
This story, she emphasized, is not an attack on migration but a call for balance and compassion. Analysts say Nigerian society must begin acknowledging and supporting families affected by long-term migration, particularly elderly parents.
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Experts suggest building more supportive community networks, raising mental health awareness, and sparking public conversations about the hidden social costs of migration..
“When young people leave,” Mrs. Ojonu said, “they are not the only ones who go. Sometimes, their parents are emotionally exiled too.”
As migration continues to reshape Nigeria’s future, families are urging the nation to listen — and to tell the stories that numbers alone cannot capture.
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